Does my bum look big in this?

The annual Vergelegen bash to launch the next vintage of V is such a sought-after ticket, many winos temporarily suspend their public sexual orientation [pso] to accommodate the needs of anoraquey friends. Thus well-known musical numbers arrive with beards in tow while testosterone spewing studs strut their stuff paired with thoroughly modern metrosexuals. While Bacchus presides over a broad church, fattism remains the only sin that can’t be forgiven. Rude comments have been passed on the increasing mass of winemaker André van Rensburg and the Big Man himself summonsed the largest guests present for a photo opportunity in a futile attempt to make himself look tiny. Does André look big in this?

Danie, Andre and Neil