The caricature Asian tourist is portrayed as a bespectacled paparazzo snapping mundane sights (topless Duchess Kate, bottomless Prince Harry) as if they were extraordinary events. But serving bontebok dim sum and Vrugbaar pork and sage potstickers to 300 of the great and good at Wellington’s cutting the umbilical cord party last night at Kleinvalleij, as Moerby Kultuur did, was surely no tourist curio. So the reaction of Orielle Berry (below), the Clark Kent of the Bolander, was right on the money.

The first phase of the Asian Invasion of the Winelands proceeded without a hitch. Tersina Shieh, GM of the Independent Wine Centre in Hong Kong explained the battle plan and there were no objections from the assembled generals. The three year campaign will be funded by a sponsorship of R200,000 from Mutual & Federal. While out-gunned by the R900,000 Master Card give the Cap Classique Association, cognisance should be taken of the cost of armaments as Wellington PR is far cheaper than Franschhoek spin. And the history books record that when it comes to battles, its the none-topless Duke of Wellington 27 Napoleon 7 with 6 drawn. The second battle, the Struggle for the Swartland, will be staged in Riebeek-Kasteel on Sunday 30th (menu below).

As the dim sums emerged steaming between gangnam style fire dancers, the 8-foot tall chairman of the Wellington Wine Route who walks like a tiger in crocs, Schalk Burger, noted: “we have a party.” And a shiny new wine district that is destined to become the envy of its more pedestrian neighbours.