Green Harvest Heists


Green harvests are a useful tool for reducing yields to improve quality in fertile vineyards. The vineyards at Solms Delta were well littered with trossies after the Oesfees last month. Or was that perhaps the result of Ugandan discussions in the shrubbery after the jol? Oudtshoorn, in the Karoo desert, has little use for such strategies and so they are applied to ostriches by thieves who rip the feathers off “green birds” and sometimes bludgeon them to death. Although one hopes the birds get in a few powerful kicks to the goolies before they go down. Is this the Western Cape’s version of Rhino Rage that has become a national disgrace? Feathers are an even more effective aphrodisiac than Rhino horn for sexaholics jaded with generic Viagra.

The reason for all this bird bashing is not hard to find – boa prices are up and sales of meat are down since exports were banned in 2011 in the wake of avian ‘flu. In fact Die Burger reported yesterday that new cases have been diagnosed, so an export recovery has been delayed again like the recovery of consumer confidence in SA. What to do for the gallant ostrich, which along with brandy and the absence of fracking, is the greatest cultural export of the Karoo?

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So off to Kyoto Garden off Kloof Nek for a masterclassTM with Koshi (above), sushi master non pareil who is pioneering a new direction in shabu-shabu Karoo Style (no liquid) to coincide with the release of Gentleman, the follow up to Gangnam Style by Korean dance sensation Psy on Saturday.

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Rare wok-seared ostrich fillet with leek was a hit with Ladismith brandy while 35 year old Grosperrin Cognac XO was a match made in the Gascon corner of Heaven with ponzu in attendance while gari (ginger) tepanyaki (below) was umami ultimo, produced in honour of Picasso who died forty years ago on Monday and Baroness Thatcher, who died the same day at the Ritz Hotel in London where the food is not a patch on Kyoto Garden.

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The next step if ostrich tartare with Klipdrift if brand manager Duif Richter Jnr. agrees. We’ve even got a logo (below) and unbeatable slogan for global marketing domination: “free range brandy” although after the feather heists “naked brandy” also works.

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