You know you’re in SA when the waiters are one colour and the punters another, like Rosé and Blanc de Blanc Champagne. While the ABSA Champagne Festival was totally excellent, rounded off by an 1812 Overture played by the weather last night, don’t the photos below make you wonder if perhaps JuJu has a point?

It’s like an old fashioned AWB meeting for hedonists in a parallel universe.  If I had a horse, I would surely have fallen off it.

Perhaps ABSA should JV the festival with Capitec Bank to add some colour.

Or did the absence of Moët, housewine of the ANC Youth League, keep the comrades and cadres at home. As a lack of Champagne socialists is one shortage SA does not have.

But then as I asked last year on Women’s Day, about the time I was savaged by a crazed cetecean obsessed with pubic hair that clogs up the showers of her Camps Bay guest house, is Veuve Clicquot Afro-Misogynist? I’d written to the brand manager (a man) at importer RGBC pointing out that the Veuve Business Woman Awards, which celebrated its 40th birthday last year, take place in 17 countries around the world but not (yet?) in Africa. No reply. For heavens sake chaps, get a grip. We surely drink more Veuve than New Zealand!

SA is not short of candidates: Bassie Kumalo, Carrie Adams, Wendy Luhabe, Isla Galloway, Jenna Clifford, Su Birch, Gabi Williams, Wendy Appelbaum…