“Exotic and erotic” was how veteran auctioneer Stefan Welz summed up the appeal of Vladimir Tretchikoff at the unveiling of the iconic Chinese Girl portrait yesterday. A remark which reduced one large blogger, prominent in the first row of the press conference at Delaire Graff, to fits of hysterical giggles. Which set off a standing wave of ripples of fat up and down her tight cerise faux silk jacket. The living antithesis of feminine beauty that transfixed a poor Russian émigré six decades ago.
If Charles Jolly is remembered for his hilarious laughing policeman music hall turn, is this blogger now seeking fame as the chuckling Cetacean? I thought Naomi Larkin and the rest of the editorial team of House and Leisure magazine were going to plotz in disgust. Several luvvies near me turned that peculiar shade 0f blue-green that Tretchy used in his portrait and which Diners Club chose as the colour scheme of Platter, their sighted wine guide, this year.
When you think about it, Stefan is not wrong. Host Laurence Graff made his considerable fortune from diamonds – the top end of the sex industry – so it’s quite fitting that he should bring Vladimir and his exotically erotic Chinese Girl back to Banghoek (I nearly typed Bangkok) along with the 40th Graff jewellery store that bejewels those centres of the art world: Las Vegas, Shanghai and Beijing. Perhaps Franschhoek should re-brand as Franschkok if they want a Graff store of their own? There are certainly enough Franschkokke in town to make it viable…
Oops, I see I inadvertently papped myself along with a R500,000.00 butterfly (above). Stefan made another good point when he noted that fine art has replaced religion in modern life. So while the Pope used to grant indulgences, Laurence (below) offers diamond butterflies. All very St. Francis of Assisi.
Lunch was the highlight of the day with a lasagne of lamb’s neck (below) a marvel of molecular gastronomy. If Platter visualizer Angela Lloyd had gone home to this as her Woolies’ pasta takeaway all those years ago, Eagle’s Nest would surely have been Platter Winery of the Year by now.
Meanwhile Diners may need to order some more fire extinguishers as the news threatens to break that one of the 80 five star stunners this year – a maiden vintage Chardonnay from Elgin – seems not to have been nominated for five star glory by the two people who tasted it sighted. So how did it arrive at the tasting? Did the fact that it was made by a lavishly qualified luvvie have anything to do with it? Let’s hope the Wine Lizard’s discredited “seeded payer/player” algorithm has not come back from the dead like Nosferatu Vladimir to haunt Diners!
Of course far better than the painting is the reaction Chinese Girl evokes. Like that snatch from Vakansie in die Vrystaat by MM Walters that refused to leave my head all afternoon:
“En Trechikoff se blougroen meid uit Java/
sit solitaire/
effekberekenend teen die Plascon-muur“
