Caroline Snyman, first lady of SA spirits was not joking when she called brandy “the soul of wine.” And there’s a battle going on for that soul. French producer Rémy Martin told the Drinks Business “the unfavourable situation for spirits in the Chinese market did not improve during the quarter. Since the start of the current financial year, the brand has recorded a cumulative organic decline of 18.3%. ‘The campaign to promote morality in China is expected to continue to adversely affect the consumption of ultra-premium products and no significant recovery can be expected due to the Chinese New Year.’ ”

Morality could have been on the mind of Charles Withington (above) when he designed the latest addition to SA’s brandy cellar (above). For it looks the kind of thing to take along on a date together with an opsitkers (chaperone). Heck Chas called it Voorkamer and this seven year old spirit is retro-deluxe. Matured in old Bourbon barrels, the spirit is as dry as the Kalahari, and without all that sand, much smoother on the tongue.

This is no spirit for black diamonds or Hollywood heroes like Jamie Foxx, the Dudemeister from Distell. It is aimed unashamedly at the heartland of boerekultuur, listening to the clock of history tick on in their voorkamers across the land. It’s the alpha male version of those asemkoeke beloved of vrouefederasies around the platteland. I wish Chas would consider another brand, tentatively to be called Funk Ostentação, a music style popular in favelas of Brazil that celebrates ostentatious displays of wealth, such as flashy cars and expensive drinks like Champagne and Cognac.

It would play great at the Fifa Soccer World Cup later this year and is the kind of product zef rappers Die Antwoord could get behind, as they do in this guerilla ad for Veuve Clicquot (above).