An ugly skirmish in the Port Wars took place recently in Germany when the IVDP – the Portuguese body which legislates Port – requested German authorities destroy a shipment of Klein Tulbagh 2002 fortified wine labelled “Port.” Perhaps the SA Port Producers Association can throw some light on the matter as I was under the impression that 2010 was the last vintage for which the word Port could be used. Or does this not apply to exports?

Tulbagh had better watch out as the notorious Whale Cottage fragrant blogger is already on the warpath over fortified wines labelled as Ports on local shelves in a bizarre attempt to divert interest away from her filthy guest houses with drains blocked by forests of pubic hair.

The President of the IDVP Manuel de Novaes Cabral, was upbeat. “A forma e eficácia com que as autoridades alemãs detetaram esta infração, a rapidez com que nos alertaram e deram seguimento à destruição do produto é um excelente exemplo de monitorização e controlo destas tentativas de falsificação. Esta ação comunica que a fiscalização acontece e é mais um contributo que com certeza inibe outras tentativas de falsificação.”

Meanwhile Klein Tulbagh should divert their remaining Port shipments to the Port of Sevastopol where the controlling Russians are unlikely to take EU sensibilities seriously.