The news that Good Housekeeping magazine asked 100 readers aged between 30 and 80 to test drive a range of vibrators to see if “they’re hitting the spot” comes as no surprise, even if it does redefine housekeeping somewhat. The winner was Je Joue Mimi which scored 77/100. No surprises that a French tickler romped home, but as any wine judge will tell you, 77/100 is a pretty lousy score. It has to be over 90 to sell a bottle.

Good Housekeeping need to recalibrate their readers immediately. Judging by the look of Mimi, I suspect some readers were using him as a computer mouse.

Perhaps the Platter sighted wine label guide can review sex toys and add a new chapter to their publication to boost flagging sales. Or is that what Viagra is for? Certainly butt plugs would make a welcome change to Bordeaux blends and Ben Wa balls to Burgundies.

A bank could start a Vibrator of the Year Competition as they have plenty of experience of f*cking things up in other departments.