Hey! It’s time everyone’s favorite, sacred, most blessed holiday tradition—getting stupid drunk in front of co-workers and relatives you barely tolerate and gleefully telling them off!

We here at the Jezebel Institute for Alcoholic Studies (aka my office) want to make sure that you, our dear readers, have access to all the latest and most innovative research to help you decide which fine beverage will be your undoing in front of relatives you can’t fucking stand and/or colleagues you just wish would die in a goddamn fire or something. Remember to choose wisely; you don’t want your alcoholic undoing to be fouled up because you didn’t select the right kind of booze to go with your awkward holiday moment.

Here now, are our favorite selections:

First up, the Candy Cane! This is a drink you indulge in pretty much only if you hate your taste buds. Like, your taste buds stole your ATM card out of your wallet this one time and wiped out your bank account ordering Beanie Babies off QVC. This drink is also perfect for that time you want to finally tell off that aunt from Ohio who follows you around your mom’s house going “so when are you going to get engaged???” The Candy Cane is a wonderful accompaniment when you fianlly look her in the eye and say “Look. Just because your four marriages ended in spectacular failure and landed you on the Jerry Springer Show in 1998 throwing your show at the babysitter who ran off with your last husband, that doesn’t mean those are my dreams, OK? ” Trust me, three of these Pepto Bismol-themed concoctions and you won’t have any trouble telling old Aunt Busybody to back off.