Of all the things I hold in high regard, rules are not one of them” -Frank Underwood

Much like everyone’s favorite sociopathic President, I don’t really care for following the establishment’s decrees. I was a pest in school, was very nearly asked to leave college, and (don’t tell my boss) have met my fair share of 5-0. When I’m told I can’t/shouldn’t/won’t do something, it becomes my all-consuming purpose in life to do that something.

So when I was told you’re not supposed to work out while drinking, a drunk workout became inevitable.

This past Saturday’s exercise routine began as normal: I threw on some overpriced Nike gear meant to give the impression of athleticism, pretended to stretch for a bit, and spent fifteen minutes crafting the perfect Spotify playlist for the event. The only deviation from the norm was the half bottle of Pinot Noir I chugged throughout the process.