Johannesburg started out as a roaring mining camp with more brothels than churches and is rapidly returning to form. Kentucky Fried Chicken has now taken over road maintenance, confirming that chicken is not only the cheapest source of protein in SA, but can fill in potholes, too. Hard pressed Jozi consumers can look forward to some cheap wine deals to drink with their Streetwise Fives after a leading retailer summonsed distributors and reps to his lair last week to help him drain the R20 million wine lake that has accumulated under his shop.

“All of this shit has to go,” he explained, “I want you to take your stock back and reimburse me.” Leaving glum faces among assembled middlemen (and women) as the chances of selling Ego Estate Sauvignon Blanc 2008 WO Western Cape are about as rosy as Bafana Bafana winning the World Cup this winter. Jozi consumers should stand by for a tsunami of discounted stale wine which will bring a smile to the Colonel’s dial.