Under the Influence @ WineX

The WineX performance of sipping situationalists Under the Influence, nine mustachioed manne from Maitland, resembled a scene straight out of Martin Scorsese’s Gangs of New York. Allister Kreft was a taller Leonardo DiCaprio, there were a couple of Jude Law impersonators and Fasi Malherbe was the burly Jim Broadbent mob-boss, played just like Charles Glass making Castle beer in Jozi a century ago when the city was just a roaring mining camp where brothels outnumbered churches. A situation which has not changed much today with testosterone the overwhelming pheromone wafting through the cavernous convention centre. Testosterone and Aramis. In the heydays of the Juliet Cullinan Wine Festival, perfume and after shave would be banned. But these days, trying to suppress the pheromones of Jozi jollers is Mission Impossible.

Gangs of New York in Sandton

Gangs of New York in Sandton

Under the Influence were Selling: Sex, Syrah and my latest book MMIX: Biography of a Vintage which is so steamy, it caused the ship transporting it from the printers in Singapore, a rust bucket called the Newport Bridge, to expire with engine failure in the middle of the Indian Ocean. A tug had to be dispatched from Durban (only the most expensive port in the world for my rescue) to save a precious cargo. But Bacchus won the titanic struggle with Neptune and saved the day. Bacchus and an Air Singapore 777, which delivered backup stocks in time for the steamy performance – which put the “X” back into WineX this year.

What a story! to be reprised in the remake, Biography of a Vintage II: no more Mr. Nice Guy which kicks off with Platter publisher Andrew McDowell paying a surreptitious visit to my Asian publisher for a bit of industrial espionage. Somerset Maugham couldn’t write this stuff but it gave me the plotline for a novel: the five star stunners of a sighted wine guide are tweeted by übertaster Christian Eedes at a pre-launch party at Magica Roma on the 15th of November after secret agent Juicy Blend (below) pays a friendly visit to Tien Wah Press in Singapore.

Practicing to be a secret agent in Upington earlier this month

Practicing to be an Asian secret agent in Upington earlier this month