SA wine writing is currently bumping along the bottom. The low point was reached last month when a member of the old guard, Melvyn “Mr. Min” Minnar, unleashed a torrent of criticism at his colleagues, accusing them of being too venal and too vicious. But the salvo fell far short of the target as the most popular (and highest paid) columnists in the UK (Jeremy Clarkson, Julie Burchill and AA Gill) are also the bitchiest. As Emile Joubert tweeted, let’s hope Mr. Min is not the Rapport wine writer under investigation by the Press Ombudsman for unethical practices!

Heck, the UK’s best known journalist of the second half of the 20th century was the late Auberon Waugh (son of Evelyn) who selected wine for SA Airways when the late Peter Devereux ran the process, before it entered turbulent times under Coleman Andrews’ expensive watch. The final paragraph in the BBC’s obituary for Bron: “He was always outrageous, but in his mission to expose hypocrisy and deflate pomposity, he often contrived to be hilariously funny, too” should be a mission statement for wine writers.

For the first rule of vinous verbiage should be to entertain and the biggest crime, being boring. So when the Cape’s über-celebrity chef Reuben Riffel launched his Welcome Home range of stemware at Ngwenya Glass in Swaziland earlier this month, the usual Bacchanalian suspects were absent. Their places on the bus taken by a talented troupe of Next Level lifestyle writers which any PR worth her retainer should add to their media lists forthwith. My top four in alphabetical order:

1) Dion Chang. “Observer, trend analyst, forever curious” as his Twitter profile reveals, Dion is founder of Flux Trends, a company that advises corporates on making sense out of the information overload at the start of the 21st century. His presentation Consumer Trends in a Post-Recession Economy is a must-read for wine marketers while Beyond Green: the Rise of the Ethical Consumer takes tomorrow’s Nedbank Green Awards to an intellectual level.

2) David Cope. When WhaleSpotterSA took off after outspoken food and travel blogger Chris von Ulmenstein (aka WhaleCottage) last month, the Twitter aviary was obsessed with uncovering the identity of Spotter in a bizarre game of Spot the Spotter. Suspicion naturally fell on this sharp-as-a-razor food and wine commentator as the posts bore his whacky/hilarious fingerprints. PS. I asked him if he was the elusive pimple (spotter, geddit?) and he flat-out denied it.

David makes a Swartland Shiraz called Hedonist in partnership with Simon Wibberly from &Union, so not only can he write about the stuff, he can make it too; an ability which provides unparalleled insights. David is the Louis Theroux of Tasting.

3) Aspasia Karras. Editor of Marie Claire magazine and weekly commuter between Cape Town and Jozi, Aspasia ferociously fought her corner against Parisian Hugues Witvoet, MD of Edgars. Hugues (pronounced “oooog” rather than Ugg as in Aussie boots) noted “I spent ten years selling fashion in the East and Reuben’s Welcome Home range of glasses is the only SA developed product I’ve seen with any merit.”

Fighting talk indeed to a champion of SA fashion who gave as good as she got, recounting her latest photo shoot features a black diamond in fishnet stockings and vertiginous heels riding three white muscle men. “Not something we would stock” commented Hugues dryly. But Reuben’s glasses certainly are: rustic, robust and realistically priced; a sensible alternative to Riedel.

4) Justin Rhodes. Owner of the Whatiftheworld Gallery in Woodstock and the Neighbourgoods Market at the Biscuit Mill in the same trendy suburb, Justin has his Modigliani-thin fingers on the racing pulse of the SA fine art scene. Which given the success of William Kentridge and Cameron Platter, is precisely the niche the top end of SA wine would love to cohabit, for Justin recently sold some of Cammie’s work to the Museum of Modern Art in New York.