A bizarre wake-up call this morning with Ferguson, Missouri in flames on CNN mixed with flashbacks from Durban Curry: so much of flavour, people places & secret recipes by Erica Platter & Clinton Friedman with Devi Sankaree Govender I was reading last night. The colours were the same! The curry colours became an arsonist’s colors as the Deep South went up in flames.

Of course Durbs is the Far East and not really SA at all. The locals call each other “boet” and should be in a totally different time zone, not to say century, to the rump of SA. The Cape (unfortunately) controls the perception of fine food which has transformed us all into banting wrecks while the chief ingredient of a good Durban curry seems to be soakers potatoes. A red rag to a Noakes indeed. Tim would have us all eating hippo fat while Erica seduces with tinned tomatoes (better than fresh) and tamarind.

The only gourmet fault I could pick up is whether cold water Cape Town kreef are superior to Durban’s warm-water crustaceans. Of course they are. It’s a law of nature like Newton or Einstein: the colder the water, the tastier. It’s nature’s way of rewarding Capetonians for the unswimmable seas of Clifton. But east coast crayfish probably make better curries and are cheaper as all the kreef are bought up by the Chenin Blanc Association to bribe hacks, three weeks before the season opens.

It’s the secret recipes that make this book plus the retro photos that only need the Fonz to recreate Happy Days. The colours! The naff names “Sunrise Chip ‘n Ranch”, “the house of Monty”, “Victory Lounge” and signs “fire cleaned sheep head & trotters” confirm you’re not in Constantia any more, Dorothy.

When I saw Haries’ Vegetarian Dhal I misread it as Hairies and thought of the dreaded Whale Cottage in Camps Bay where nests of pubic hair double up as plugs. Uugghh! My pick of the other secret recipes:

Managay’s Ricotta and Methi Chutney (sure to be popular in De Waterkant)
Futhi’s Spinach & Potato Curry
Dolly’s Baby Brinjal Curry (with smiling Dolly missing two front teeth)
Aunty K’s Special Fish Curry (like Joshua Doore for the kitchen)
Mrs Hall’s Chutney (better than bought!)
Delights Serva Curry
Sunrise Beans Curry (the perfect match with Delaire Sunrise MCC that smells of spanspek according to one Jozi WineWizardTM)

On the vexed question of what to drink with curry? John Platter gives some handy advice and ends “wine bores must not take over.” Nor food bores, either. This lavish paperback is a welcome antidote to the recent Eat Out Awards at Chunder City for I’m sure the humblest Durban curry would knock spots off molecular gastronomy gone wrong of that unfortunate event. And for R1850, you can feed your whole caste in addition to Dear Abby.

Next year, we’re running a series of monthly Chef & Sommelier Workshops for the hospitality industry at our Dirt Gallery in Castle Street in conjunction with Tsogo Sun. Our first Winter Workshop will be curry and craft beer and I cannot think of a better set of course notes than this supercharged book.