The maddening millennium-old tradition of drinking in heels

You fall over drunk at brunch and blame your Louboutins, or maybe the endless Mimosas you consumed while perched precariously on two 6-inch leather-bound spikes. Little do you know how much you have in common with a 16th Century Spanish prostitute. Or an 18th Century French aristocrat. Turns out we’ve been attempting to party on stilts for centuries. And still, we haven’t learned.

Sure, looks have diversified, but despite all ergonomic and anatomical reason, high heels, and high shoes generally, remain a staple of the partying and imbibing social uniform (which makes about as much sense as combining casual mid-morning waffle consumption with endless alcohol). And while you might think you have pumps-pimps like Jessica Simpson and straight-up daredevil fashion-freakists like Lady Gaga to thank for your ankle pain, the tradition of hugely impractical footwear goes back much further. In the 16th century, Spanish and Italian prostitutes wore “chopines,” vaulted platform shoes made less for walking than for presentation, the heightened appearance allowing potential clients to observe a lady of the night in all her immobilized glory. It wasn’t long before the chopine style was adopted by the aristocracy (what better way to show your worth than by wearing shoes that basically say “Yo, I don’t have to walk.”)


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