Earlier this month, a man named Corey Bellemore did an unbelievable thing: He participated in the Beer Mile World Classic and broke a world record, completing the race in an astounding 4 minutes and 44 seconds. But this is not a happy story.

This cocktail’s name is a mouthful: “Fighter Weapon School, a.k.a Top Gun,” which is a riff on the Paper Plane cocktail, which is a riff on the Last Word. Let’s untangle that. 

There was once a bad time in this country’s history called Prohibition, when hard-working Americans weren’t permitted to quench their thirst with delicious alcoholic beverages.

“Here we have a Canadian walking into an English bar to talk about American gin…”

It makes sense that Napa Valley has a Wine Train that’s been chugging through California’s hills and vineyards since 1864. But sipping wine while scenic views slip by isn’t everyone’s thing. Beer, however—beer is more intriguing.

If the thought of alcohol in a box conjures fuzzy memories of college dorm rooms and games of “slap the bag,” the vintners at Black Box Wines might have triggered more than a few flashbacks with their latest announcement: Boxed whiskey, boxed vodka, and boxed tequila have hit shelves in several states, with many more to come.

In July 1969, astronaut Neil Armstrong went to the moon with a Buzz. And pretty soon, so can you.

Strap in for this pintful of bad news….

This recipe, made from blended avocados, vodka, a syrup made from kale, and served with a toasted rim of spiced breadcrumbs and chilis for heat, sounds like it could almost be healthy—if it weren’t an alcoholic beverage.

Spice up your life.