A Joe’s Crab Shack in Colorado (because crabs naturally occur right in the middle of America) has a bit of explaining to do after accidentally giving a group of six young children between the ages of 2 and 8 years old, drinks with alcohol in it.

 

Hey! It’s time everyone’s favorite, sacred, most blessed holiday tradition—getting stupid drunk in front of co-workers and relatives you barely tolerate and gleefully telling them off!

 
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A recent study by the University at Buffalo Research Institute on Addictions followed 634 married couples over nine years to provide a scientific basis for the “uh, duh” notion that heavy drinking (defined as “six or more drinks at one time or drinking to intoxication”) can bring on the divorce.

 

James Spader is a regular, the host informs us as we walk to our table. Oh, and Will Ferrell sat right there with his family just yesterday.

 

In the future, when all police are thermal-scanning robots and all private citizens are real people who maybe like to sneak a bottle of zinfandel and a sleeve of Thin Mints into a Thursday matinee every week and get a little wasted,

 

Science, in its ceaseless effort to ruin just about all the good things in the world, is currently doing its level best to ensure that you won’t be able to eat any of the world’s most delicious treats without feeling like you’re destroying the future.

 

Wine snobs, get ready to have that discerning amateur sommelier palate you so pride yourself on brought down a few notches.

 

Science has finally caught up with deliciousness with the new findings that eating cheese can reduce the risk of developing type 2 diabetes by 12 percent.

 

In theory, being able to make artificial meat in a lab sounds great—it’d be better for the earth than raising animals and would make protein more plentiful for a hungry population.

 

New research has found that young women who drink caffeinated beverages on the daily experience changes in hormone levels.

 
 
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