What Kind of Drunk Are You, According to Science?

We all have that friend who gets belligerent when wasted, screaming at a trash can that it doesn’t understand the finer points of modern architecture or Al Pacino’s acting. Or the one friend who gets so giggly that even the lamest joke sends her into fits.

But now, thanks to very serious research by scientists at the University of Missouri-Columbia, you can categorize them into into four groups, conveniently named for well-known pop culture figures: the Ernest Hemingway, the Mary Poppins, the Mr. Hyde, and the Nutty Professor.

Ernest Hemingway: Named for the famous writer and perhaps even more famous drinker, people in this category show similar personality traits when drunk and sober. As Hemingway once said, he could “drink hells any amount of whiskey without getting drunk.” Forty percent of those tested fell into this category.

Mr. Hyde: This is your friend who will pick a fight with a lamppost after a few beers if given the chance. Mr. Hydes transform into almost unrecognizable people when intoxicated. According to the researchers, they are “particularly less responsible, less intellectual, and more hostile when under the influence of alcohol.”

Mary Poppins: The sweet ones of the bunch, those in the Mary Poppins category become sweet, kind, and affectionate when drunk. These are the guys who run around the bar bestowing hugs on strangers and screaming, “I love you, man!”

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