Battle of the Berge: Phase I – Planning


With SA mining in sy moer in (fell into a hole), Stellenbosch is fast becoming the business capital of SA. Which explains the parking jam of SUVs at Muratie yesterday that made the historic precinct look like a suburb of Boston – all that was missing was the black helicopter with infrared camera or perhaps Maties had stopped their satellite tumbling and aerial support was supplied from space.

The boere billionaires had gathered in Annatjie Melck’s kitchen for afval (offal) and to tell jokes, as is their want. May I suggest an item for the next menu for Christo, Whitey, Jannie, Markus en die manne? Why not sponsor a Battle of the Berge: Simonsberg vs. Helderberg with no prisoners. Choose a vintage for whites and another for reds and pair up two teams of terroir wines of comparable styles, to be judged blind by customers of Checkers, Capitec, Pep Stores, PSG or anyone of the plethora of Stellenbosch businesses with a national footprint, selected via in-store competitions or social media. After all, these are the consumers who buy the stuff and not the sacred cows, self-taught sommeliers, MWs and other bovine bibulists whose exhalations of hot air contribute so much to global warming.

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With Jannie now almost out of wine as soon as Zeder sells the last CapeVin shares (at a tidy profit) and with Christo beating a vinous retreat on multiple fronts (Lanzerac, Lourensford), wine as sponsorship vehicle has certain attractions. Especially when you’re trying to corner the African food supply.

After a vertical tasting of Chardonnays from Muratie (out with reductive screw caps and in with natural corkamorimcork Battle of the Berge: Phase I   Planning
by Amorim Cork
– which opens up Amorim as potential co-sponsor to Capitec – and exchange commercial yeast for natural born agents) I would say the Simonsberg would be in with a good chance against Uva Mira in this category. For reds, it would be a battle royale between Rust en Vrede and Kanonkop with Warwick well matched against Webersburg while Glenelly and Rustenberg can square up against Haskell and Eikendal. There’s even an interesting Teutonic/organic play between Wedderwill and Laibach.

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Surgical masks off to that Dr. of Wine, Rijk Melck (above), who exchanged Hippocrates for Bacchus a decade ago in his life-long mission to help people and glamorous wife Kim, whose lamb shanks are the most shapely in the business, as the billionaires will confirm.