How many times do we hear that cricketers are like fine wines, getting better with age? In fact, with a certain Australian wine sponsor – you know, the cheap supermarket one – doing all it can to promote the Ashes, it’s time to do a health check on the vintage or vinegar state of today’s international cricket teams…

England
As a case of 12 at home, they play like a good young merlot – light and supple, but with a spicy edge. On their travels to superior wine-growing regions in Australia they are often corked – full of undesirable smells and unable to air their true talents. The supreme test awaits.

Australia
Once upon a time, Australia were like a fine award-winning Shiraz with a strong body and powerful tasting notes. Glenn McGrath, Shane Warne, Adam Gilchrist, Justin Langer and Matthew Hayden were a grape that could not be crushed, as it were. Now, they play like a superior middle-of-the-range supermarket wine with great pretensions, but giving a rather ordinary experience that leaves you flat. With a slight hangover.

South Africa
South Africa have had a lot of catching up to do on the international stage in the vineyards and on the cricket pitch. Their fortified wines, like the cricket team, are a bit of an acquired taste. A bit stodgy, heavy on the senses, but with the promise of a raw beauty underneath. If the likes of Graeme Smith and Jacques Kallis represent the full body, then Morne Morkel and Dale Steyn represent the Cape Doctor, blowing away the opposition.