You can’t please all the punters, all the time as Adi Badenhorst found out when the label for his Secateurs Chenin Blanc 2010 was rubbished by Simon Hoggart in the Spectator this week. The real, as opposed to Wine Spectator, that is. Si shared a married mistress with UK labour politician David Blunkett and his seeing eye dog, so he is a definite UK arbiter of taste.

The wine is hailed as “scrumptious… Chenin Blanc is the grape in Vouvray, but you would be hard put to find a French wine as rich, succulent and velvety, and at the crazy price of £8.95. I served this to a wine-loving American friend, and half the bottle had disappeared down her throat before she managed to exclaim, ‘that was delicious!’”

But the label is another matter, called “ghastly” Si opines “Labels matter. Rolling countryside or ancient Dutch farmhouse a.s.a.p., please.” And clichés, too.

Sagies en Teer

Meanwhile, back on Kalmoesfontein, the wooden vat containing the wine is labeled “sagies en teer” – soft and tar, Mr. Hoggart – or soft and tender everyone else [see comment]. Adi remarks “no one round here can pronounce secateurs.”